How do you convince yourself that everything is going to be okay? Do you see or hear something that you use as your focal point?
Something that, whether or not it actually works, makes you feel as though you’re going to be okay.
As much of a placebo effect it is, these signs are definitely okay with in my book. Whatever it takes, etc.
For Eden, it’s feathers on the ground.
For me, it’s rainbows.
Here’s an excerpt from my page about the rainbowtatt. It’s the Cliff’s Notes version of the importance of rainbows in my life, why I got a tattoo of a rainbow on my backside and why I named my blog after said rainbow tattoo.
(re-reading this reminds me that I really need to go back and edit the text for the grammatical errors and typos – egad)
- Rainbows have always been significant in our family
- The inscription on my dad’s grave is “there will always be rainbows”
- The quote is reference to the Noah’s Ark parable, where God sent a rainbow at the end of the 40-day flood.
For me, the tattoo represents many things
- My dad, of course, who I only knew until I was 8
- In reference to “there will always be rainbows”, the rainbow represents that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, that every cloud has a silver lining… that whatever shit you’re going through… you can survive it
So whenever I see a rainbow in the sky. I always think it’s for me. It’s there to tell me that I’m being watched over, cared for… that I’m doing okay.
The rainbow is also there because it’s a natural phenomenon, but I choose to ignore that fact.
There are times that I refer to as “rainbow season”, like, when there’s a lot of rainbows (prophetic, aren’t I?) and often they happen when I need to see a good rainbow or two. Sometimes (like this month) I haven’t seen a single bloody rainbow and I’m a tad cranky at the rainbows because they’re hiding from me. I could do with a rainbow right now to tell me that money isn’t going to become a drastic problem some time soon. I could do with a rainbow right now to tell me to persevere with a hobby I’m really struggling to maintain right now and seriously on the verge of ditching completely.
I need a rainbow.
But then I tell myself that my worries are minor compared to the crap other people are living through right now. The rainbows need to be elsewhere, giving other people hope.
And this is why I have my own rainbow on my tailbone. My tattoo that’s almost 14 years old (I think), my tattoo that’s allergic to grass, my tattoo that’s hiding stretch marks and my tattoo that gets accidentally flashed at work when I’m unpacking the dishwasher.
It’s there to tell me things are going to be okay when there aren’t any natural phenomenon around to convince me of such. I’m sitting at my dining table right now with one hand on my back and I can feel where my tattoo is. Today I’ve had a severe MEH day and it’s taking me hours to talk myself out of it. It’s raining outside, but there’s no rainbow in sight, so I’m patting myself on the back (literally) to tell myself
it’s going to be okay
And I’ve realised: I am my own rainbow.