The victim

I have very little self-tolerance for victim-playing as an excuse for not coping with my life.

Like anyone, I’m really really freaking hard on myself. Why aren’t I doing more? Why am I complaining? Why am I letting {this} get the better of me? Why why whyyyyyyyy?

And, like everyone, I have lots of reasons to blame life for why I am the way I am.

{insert long-winded, whiney, annoying list here}

I used to pride myself in not playing the victim to the life that was handed to me. I saw it as a sign of weakness, a sign of letting THAT determine my happiness. And I wouldn’t have a bar of it.

What’s happened to me has shaped me into ME. And I’m rah! I am a tough cookie, I’m stubborn, I’m a fighter and an independent PITA. If all the life that’s been handed to me in my 35 years didn’t happen to me? I wouldn’t be who and where I am right now. And I love who and where I am right now. Most days anyway ;)

Whenever I am in a really really dark place, I give in and become the victim. I hate it, but there are times when I’m just too emotionally exhausted to fight it. When I was younger, it was really easy to snap myself out of it, though.

I distinctly remember a rough phase I was going through in my early 20s. I was all doom and gloom and exhausted from carrying the weight of my world on my shoulders. I was working in Packer Towers and was ambling up from Dolly Magazine editorial on level 6 to our department on level 8 (a trek I would make a gazillion times a day) and I still remember on one ordinary day when I put my right foot on that first step in the fire stairs and told myself “stop playing the victim, rah” and I immediately felt better, got over myself and moved on.

That was almost 15 years ago and my ability to just snap out of it has waned. In so many ways I am so much stronger now than I ever have been, but my mental elasticity to just stop being a sook hasn’t stuck around.

Tonight I found this pic over on the Coping with Jane FB page:

rahest-play-the-heroine-not-the-victim

and it made me realise that in recent years I’ve let myself be the victim again, for longer than I realised. And for someone like me who has been so anti-victim? That’s one hell of a realisation.

So I’m taking myself back. It’s time for me to put one foot in front of the other again and leave the victim behind. I don’t know if I feel like I can be the heroine, but you know what? I’m gonna give it a go.

Proud Aunty Rah

This rah is a super proud aunty this weekend.

Yesterday my eldest nephew (aka The 7ft Nephew) married the love of his life and it was beautiful.

I’m sofa king proud of this kid for a multitude of reasons and in the flurry of pre-ceremony prep I somehow ended up being charged with trying to not stab him while attaching his boutonniere.

For all the love, laughs, drinking, hugging and amazingness of yesterday, this… THIS is what I’ll never forget. So glad Dan grabbed this pic:

boutonniere

:happytears:

Thirty five

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Given it took me a year to remember to post about turning 34, I’m doing incredibly well to be posting about turning 35 before the end of my birthday month.

Which reminds me: I still haven’t written the epic post promised about our trip to Hobart last year. Whoops.

BUT! Thirty five celebrations (forever known as #rah35) were an absolute cracker. Good weather, beautiful town, brilliant excursions and my three favouritest human beings on the planet.

A fraction of the awesomeness of the weekend has been compiled into a itty bitty movie (my first foray into iMovie*), though it doesn’t include:

  • My A380 cake
  • Me hand feeding a lion
  • Me impersonating turkeys and beavers
  • An aurora!

Grab some popcorn and enjoy:

* yes I did say iMovie, yes that means I not only have touched a Mac, but I kinda have one now. OH MY GOD WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME

Youtube therapy: mega lolz

Back when I worked in publishing, we used to spend HOURS playing videos we’d downloaded from the web. Back in the days before YouTube, we had to download the videos onto a computer, call everyone together and huddle around a CRT while we cacked ourselves, mostly at funny ads shown during the SuperBowl and Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL

Now? We can watch ALL THE THINGS.

I’m shamelessly pinching this idea from Leigh, who is my #1 source for funny videos.

Protip: don’t drink any liquids while watching any of these.

ONE: Hoof hearted

TWO: lololololololol!

THREE: goats screaming like humans

FOUR: troloolol cat

FIVE: best use of a roomba

SIX: How I sing We Didn’t Start the Fire

Time for another round of “currently”

Feeling: Me? Seriously? I am genuinely feeling GOOD. Great, even. It’s a very bizarre feeling for me to be having, cause I’m just not used to it. I’ve been studying ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy aka mindfulness) for the last couple of months and the change in me is freaking huge, you guys. And it feels less like a short-term change and absolutely a no-going-back change. Even my sleeping habits have changed. It’s amazing.

Watching: My IRL people are a bit sick of me banging on about him, but RICKY MARTIN. Goddamn. The Voice doesn’t seem to be as good to me this year (in terms of contestant talent) and Delta annoys me beyond belief (at home we have named the show SHUT UP DELTA cause that’s what I yell at the teev every time she speaks). But Ricky Martin, sweet jeebus what a hotty.

Fark yeah Ricky Martin

Thinking about: Hawaii, baby! It’s #1 on our holiday wish list right now after an executive decision to ditch initial plans to go to NZ in September. We is gonna save our pennies and go on our first US trip together. When? We dunno. But you can be damn sure that I’ll be shopping up a storm and on the lookout for my 2 favourite Hawaiians: Bruno Mars and Barack Obama.

Making me happy: My newest hobby…plane spotting. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. I’ve become quite the tragic, even buying apps and hanging out at airport lookouts to watch the planes on the tarmac. I’ve always been a closet plane fanatic (living/working under the flight path for the last 20 years will do that to a girl) but now I’m all-out, no bars hold plane fangirl. I’ve watched a 747 take off and even had a tarmac truck driver wave at me!

My next goal is to get right under an A380 or 747 as it’s coming in to land.

May 19, 2013 at 0328PM-#qantas #747 syd to sin #WHPputaplaneonit

Looking forward to: Turning 35! By the time this goes live, Dan and I are on our way to Hobart for a Rah’s birthday long weekend (I’m getting ahead of the queen’s version next week). It was supposed to be a surprise trip down to see Jarod and Liz for my birthday on Saturday, but I kinda ruined the plans (whoops).

Traditionally, I don’t do my birthday very well at all, and this year I was especially dreading it because it was gonna be my first birthday without MY FAVOURITE FRIENDS ON THE PLANET. But huzzah for burying those emotions for another year and for el-cheapo flights and for a day off work.

See you guys when I get back! xo