It’s hard to find the words to explain what the last two months has been like. The stress, denial, acceptance; the explaining.

Mum was sick. Whether it was self-induced or an existing condition is like asking about the chicken or the egg. I want to be open about it for my own selfish reasons, but also to increase awareness, especially to people who are “victims” like me. But I don’t want to hurt anyone by my actions, either (i.e., sorry if all this seems vague and/or obscure).

On the day that mum went into hospital, I sat with her while she was told the cold hard facts of her need to stay in hospital. I watched her eyes as she realised that decisions were being made for her. Mum was only meant to be in hospital for a few days, but complications turned it into a seven-week ordeal. Mum’s medical team cared for her and made her well enough to leave the hospital. They determined that she couldn’t live on her own anymore.

But nursing homes are for Grandmas. Not mums. Not my mum. She’s too young.  But we learned what she would need to stay well, and knew that it was for the best. It would mean we could sleep at night knowing that she’s getting the care she needs.  And she’s getting that care now. We were so lucky to get mum placed into a facility that can care for her so well. I know so many people who are struggling while they care for their parents who are in a much worse position than mum (and us).

It’s strange that we’ve gone through so many processes that I associate with someone who’s passed away – taking over financials, cancelling the newspaper delivery, emptied out mum’s house – and we’ve even moved through some of the stages of grieving – yet mum’s still sitting in the nursing home, waiting for her next visitor.

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9 thoughts on “Mum’s new home

  1. I said to Anna recently – when someone dies, I don’t think you grieve THEM. You grieve the relationship that you had with them.

    That’s why the end of a relationship with a partner or a friend can feel like mourning someone – because that relationship ceases to exist.

    Your mum is still here but your relationship with her will have changed over the course of these past few weeks. Elements of it WILL have ended with the changes (though some of those will have been replaced with new aspects) so it’s easy to see why you might feel like you’re grieving, even though she’s still around.

    There’s no right or wrong way to deal with all this. All you can do (as you have been doing) is to trust your own judgement to make the right decision, based on the information available to you at any one point.

    You’re awesome and I love you xxx

    Posted on 9 July 2010 at 7:43 pm
  2. How tough to have to do all you have done for your mother. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you.
    You and your mum are lucky that you were able to get a nursing home placement so quickly. I hope she is able to settle in and be happy there.

    Posted on 9 July 2010 at 8:46 pm
  3. Any decision like that is tough. Thank you for sharing your experiences, experiences that some of us will go through one day at some level, but not as young as yours…

    Posted on 9 July 2010 at 8:50 pm
  4. Love you Rah *Squishes*

    Posted on 9 July 2010 at 9:30 pm
  5. *hugs*

    Posted on 9 July 2010 at 10:56 pm
  6. Sending hugs from here too. And virtual chocolate, the stuff with no calories…

    Posted on 10 July 2010 at 9:22 pm
  7. Thank you girls :))
    It’s so much easier now that I can look back at what we’ve been though. Even better that I know we’ve made the right decisions
    *hugs all round* xxx

    Posted on 10 July 2010 at 11:36 pm
  8. Sounds like our mums have a lot in common. I sincerely hope that she’s in a place of greater wellbeing from here onwards :)

    Posted on 11 July 2010 at 12:05 am
  9. Yeah Tab, she’s definitely in a better place to be cared for now, gotta focus on that now :)

    Posted on 12 July 2010 at 7:24 pm